Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Journal Entry June 19, 2008

My sweet girls are sleeping. Ellie sleeps in her room, while Nichole sleeps in the swing.

I was overcome with emotion as I watched Nichole rock back and forth. My beautiful baby, my precious baby. To think that some women would have chosen to send her home with the Lord before coming to this world. I cannot imagine my life without her. Yet, not too long ago, as I cried over her diagnosis and was overwhelmed by her sickness, I wished she would have died. I did not know her yet. What kind of mother was I?

But the Lord is good, and He did not let me stay in the dark for long. When I chose to love Nichole, completely, without reservations, with everything in me...I meant it.

The sweet baby that now rocks in the swing has stolen my heart. I would do anything for her. To hold her is a joy. To look into her almond shaped eyes is captivating; they are so beautiful. To see her smile melts my heart. I am smitten, I am in love.

Thank you Lord for allowing me, of all people, to be her mother. I have been blessed with two wonderful gifts.

Everyone can see that Ellie is in fact a precious gift from God. I know that some might look at Nichole as a punishment, or as less than her older sister. But I know, Andy knows, and all that have held her know...that she is a most marvelous gift. She is divine. She has a God given ability to touch hearts, to inspire love, and to bring forth a smile. Even when skies are gray.

2 comments:

  1. Connie12:07 PM

    Ellen-
    I just read this in my Emotionally Healthy Spirituality book by Pete Scazzero and it hit me that this is what all people need to realize about our Nichole and others with something about them that makes them different (isn't that all of us). The emphasis in the quote is mine.

    "I recognize that I am made in the image of God and so is EVERY OTHER PERSON on the face of the earth. This makes them "Thou" to me. Because of that reality, EVERY PERSON DESERVES RESPECT - that is to treat them with dignity and WORTH. I do not DEHUMANIZE or objectify them. I affirm them as having a unique and separate existence apart from me."

    I think that says it all.

    Have a great day - you know we love you, Andy, and the girls so much.
    Connie

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Connie! This is a great quote :) Very true, and I have said it before, just with different words. He sure put it together well.

    ReplyDelete

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