When he asked if I would be one of the contributing writers, I felt humbled and honored to be considered amongst the incredible group of writers. Many of these are people I follow and respect in this journey of life with kids with special needs.
Nonetheless, I agreed to join in, and I have been blessed by the posts from Not Alone.
And today, it is my turn to post...
Choosing LoveI held a precious baby girl in my arms. So perfect. So soft. My heart pumped love through my veins. A fierce, passionate love that would conquer the world for the baby that slept in my arms. Finally, I thought to myself, I understand God’s unconditional love for me, for there is nothing this child can or cannot do to make stop loving her.
However, it was the birth of my second daughter that shattered my understanding of love, for my new baby girl brought with her a diagnosis of Down syndrome.
And so I held a broken baby in my arms. Her face different, with some of the common physical characteristics of Down syndrome. My heart pumped fear, grief, and shame through my veins. Why God! I challenged Him, Why did you give me a broken baby? Why did you choose me? I have served you faithfully, and I said you could do with my life what you wanted, but this?
My baby also had a broken heart – an ASD and a VSD – and a rare form of jaundice. I felt lost. Lonely. I was the pastor’s wife shaking her fist at God and pleading with Him, “Why me!”